Question From A Reader:
I am a student and I wanted to know how to pick up women in the most crucial areas with plenty of chicks. Here are the situations first: - The Nightclub where the music is so loud, where there are too many people with little or no room to move, and the girls are dancing with themselves. The main idea is that it is very hard and almost pointless to begin a conversation in these areas. How do I do it?
Second: - How do I pick up women who are walking along the street maybe going somewhere. Like I am in school, how do I meet a girl who is walking down maybe to her dorm or somewhere else? The point is where I’m from people do this to women all the time. But here in America, it’s almost considered odd because you pop out of nowhere and she’s not expecting it.
Finally, what do you do when a girl tells you she has a boyfriend? Should you leave her alone or continue your business on getting her. What if she is completely in love with her boyfriend, how do you win her over?
Okay, I guess I'll try tackling each question in order...
First, Nightclubs ARE very tricky venues. Unless you're specially suited to the party-style nightlife, these venues will be a bit intimidating. And even if you are predisposed to this type of pick up, you will still have to deal with lots of opposition from other men.
That said, it's not impossible to meet women in nightclubs. But it will involve you to be a little more outgoing and aggressive than other venues.
First off, when I'm in a club, I tend to like to hang out in open-air areas where I can talk to other people easier. Patios and right outside the club can be good for this. Most clubs will have some form of outside area where you can hang out -- especially places like New York and Los Angeles where you're not permitted to smoke inside.
The dance floor can also be quite successful. If you like to dance, go out there and try dancing with the women who are dancing by themselves. If they're not into it, move on. If they are, it's PLAY time! =)
Also, keep in mind the time at which you're going to the club. Usually, the later it gets, the easier it is to pick up a girl (this is because as it gets later, people are more inclined to "hook up" due to alcohol, desperation, boredom, etc.).
Second, to approach women on the street takes a bit of skill. In America, people do tend to be a bit more personal than in other parts of the world. My best advice in this respect is to actually follow the girl for a bit and see where she's going. If she stops off at a coffee shop or a bus stop, or whatever, THAT is the time to approach her! If it looks like she's going somewhere you can't follow her into (like her home/dorm, for instance) then you'll have to take the chance and try approaching her cold. But make it a fast approach and include a time constraint ("I know you're on your way somewhere, this'll only take a second..."), get her number as quick as you can, then move on.
Finally, when it comes to the "boyfriend" thing, that's a matter of individual taste. Some guys don't want to mess with that, others don't care. The thing is, most women aren't THAT dedicated to their boyfriends, so it's not as big of an obstacle as you might think.
The important thing to do in this situation is to try and "read" the woman. Sometimes, a girl will tell you she has a boyfriend when she really doesn't because she wants to politely reject you (and sometimes she really does have a boyfriend and wants to stay faithful to him). If this is the case, you have to look at the signals she's giving you to see if she's actually into you or not.
If a woman does like you and IS in fact into you, she will usually with-hold the fact that she has a boyfriend. And if she does bring it up, she wants you to take the lead and "sweep her off her feet" so she won't have to feel guilty about cheating on him. So when that's the case, it's time to pump up the aggressiveness on you're pick up.
If you want to learn how to read a woman, check out my book The Art of Approaching, I devote an entire section of my book to this. I go into great detail on how to spot the subtle signs a woman gives off to let you know she's interested in you, and how to use this to your advantage!
There's no better time to improve your love life than right now! Check out The Art of Approaching and see what kind of difference it will make in your life.
Wishing you success!
Friday, June 27, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
By: John Alexander
Standing at the magazine rack thumbing through Cosmo, she has the most gorgeous face you've ever seen. Her hair is silky brown. Her skin looks so radiant and so incredibly soft. You would be on top of the world if you could pick her this girl up.
You feel the fear deep in your gut.
You know that even if you got your balls in gear and went for it, you wouldn't know what to say. You feel so nervous and fumbly that you would reject yourself if you were her. So you shy away from even approaching her in the first place.
Does this situation sound familiar? If so, keep reading.
The first thing for you to realize is that all guys get anxiety about approaching women. I know I certainly do.
But what separates you (and me) from the rest of the guys is...
What You Do About Your Fear.
Most guys let fear paralyze them... not just about chicks, but about other things in their life like their career... which is why, unfortunately, most guys will never find the success that they want.
First, look at where your fear comes from. The problem is inside of you. It's not with the chicks.
If you're thinking about rejection, then that means you're making your approaches with a certain outcome in mind (I'm just guessing, but I think if you're like most guys, your goal is getting chicks attracted to you so that you can get laid).
Try this instead... approach without having any expectations. No goals.
Let me tell you about a problem I used to have. I'm inclined to be an introvert, as I discuss in my book , How to Become an Alpha Male .
So to overcome my shyness, I would force myself to chat up everybody, no matter who they were... hot girls, ugly girls, fat girls, old people, men, children, people walking dogs, etc.
I would talk about neutral topics with them, nothing to do with picking up chicks.
The net result from all of that was I became really good at approaching people.
After that, however, I made a mistake. I said to myself, "Since I'm so good at approaching people and have become an outgoing person, why am I wasting time talking to anyone other than hot chicks?"
So then I limited the people I talked to... and my anxiety about talking to random women swept over me once again. It was as if I'd never had all that practice chatting up strangers in the first place.
At that point I realized it was because I was outcome-dependent. Because I had thoughts like "I'm going to try to lay this chick" in my mind... before I'd even opened my mouth to say "hi"... and so I would crash and burn. It sucked.
Here's something I want you to try. Whenever you go out, talk to three people, but do it just for practice. Don't do it for real.
Because it's just for practice, don't limit yourself to just talking to hot women. In general, I've found that elderly people (both males and females) and fat women are easy to talk to.
If it helps, set up a time limit for your practice interactions, like that you'll talk to the person for 30 seconds and then you'll get out of the conversation. (Say something like, "Well, I'm on my way to meeting a friend. Good chatting with you." And then walk away without making a big deal of it.)
Once you've done your practices and feel warmed up, then you can chat up hot chicks. Again though, do it without having any sort of sex-related outcome in mind. For example, if a chick passes by you in a hallway, just say, "Hey, I need a quick female opinion on something." (Then ask about something that you genuinely want a female opinion on.)
Remember though: have no outcome in mind. So it doesn't matter if the chick responds rudely.
In fact, when you reach a point that you've chatted up lots of women, you'll find that eventually rude responses on their part mean nothing. You'll have an attitude of "ha, how original... I've had tons of women give me that exact same 'clever' rude comment."
I've been rejected hideously, time and time again. One chick screamed "Go away!" at me before I could even get out my initial sentence.
Another time I thought it was amusing when I approached a group of two girls, just for practice, and right after I said "hey," they both turned their backs on me in unison, as if they were synchronized dancers!
Now I just look back on all of that and laugh.
My point is that the more you approach, the more you'll reach a level where you notice that most people act in the same, predictable ways. It'll bore you rather than cause you anxiety.
Think of it as trying to build a house. You put down one brick at a time and cement it. Brick, cement. Brick, cement. It'll take a long time, but eventually, the walls will be up (which means you've finished the hard part).
To get a bit more psychological, there's really no such thing as "being nervous." You don't "get nervous," like it's some kind of flu virus that invades your body.
All feelings of nervousness come from within. You have a certain series of thought processes that you go through. You say things to yourself. (When you think thoughts like, "I would reject myself," it sets you up for failure!) You picture the chicks rejecting you. You feel tense in your body. And so on.
So what you can do to break this is to identify it for what it is.
Notice your negative thoughts and change them. Instead of thinking, "Oh my God, this chick is going to act like a bitch to me because I fumble my words"... think, "It's awesome that I'm making this approach, because if this chick rejects me, that means I've gotten her out of the way and I'm one step closer to finding my dream girl."
Notice where you feel tense in your body, and then let your muscles relax in those areas. For me, I feel tense in my jaw and face when I'm nervous. So when I relax my jaw and facial muscles, it alleviates a lot of my tension.
I'll wrap it up for you by concluding with this advice:
1) Be social for the sake of being social. Nothing else.
2) Remember that the only way to get over your fear is by doing the thing you fear. The more you do it, the easier it gets, because your attitude about the experiences will become, "Been there, done that, it's no big deal."
3) Recognize your bad thoughts and force yourself to replace them with good ones.
4) Ease the physical tension you have in your body when you feel nervous.
John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male ... a seduction success guide for men. Learn to permanently overcome your shyness and anxiety around women.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
By: John Alexander
You know the scenario. You begin dating a woman. After the first date, all you get is a peck on the cheek.
Second date, you get a lips kiss. Third date, you hold hands. It's a very sluggish process.
You can't comprehend why it has to take so long to have sex with the woman. After all, you're buying her meals. You even splurged on some beautiful flowers.
In short... you're being extremely nice to the woman. So what's the trouble? Why won't she have sex with you?
It comes down to human enthusiasm. People behave in ways that cause them to get rewarded. They stay away from behaviors that cause them punishment.
So the reason why guys often have problems getting laid is because they reward bad behavior. A chick will lead them on and then make it obvious there won't be sex that night, yet the guy rewards her by cuddling with her.
A better answer would be to punish the bad behavior by being a lot less interested in cuddling with her. Never undervalue the power of getting up from the couch and walking out the door.
Remember, to produce the full enjoyment out of life and to have women be attracted to you, you need to be an alpha male. That means being powerful. So make sure you get treated the way you deserve to be.
Did a chick do something (like have sex with you) that deserves rewarding? Then go ahead and do something nice for her. Take her on a date to a fancy restaurant. Buy her filet mignon and Don Perignon (if you've got the money).
Does a chick just string you along, telling you nice things that she would do for you if only she didn't have a boyfriend? Then take out your attention, and go talk to other girls instead of her.
Frame all of your actions towards women in terms of punishment and reward, and you'll be treated the way you ought to (or else you'll move onto another woman who WILL treat you right).
John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male ... a seduction success guide for men. Learn more advanced tips on how to develop the mind set of an alpha male to find the success with women that you desire.